Episode 4 - The Battle of San Juan
San Juan was a fairly large trading port situated on the northern coast of Puerto Rico. During the Spanish-Dutch wars, several years earlier, Coggy had sailed into the harbour with his first ship, Royal Expedition, and on discovering an on-going battle involving several Spanish ships and a group of invading Dutch vessels, he decided to pillage the place whilst the dons where distracted.
However, on leaving the harbour with a ship full of loot, Cognito came under heavy fire from both Spanish and Dutch fleets.
It seems as though the only thing the two nations hated more than each other, were pirates.
Needless to say, Coggy's ship ended up at the bottom of the harbour and the Captain spent the next few months living on cockroach soup in San Juan Prison.
After making good his escape, the Captain vowed to return here one day and repay the townsfolk for their hospitality.
That day had now arrived...
The Baron Boat anchored a few yards off a secluded beach to the southwest of the town. The pirates had already disembarked the ship and were making their way along a narrow winding path towards a stone bridge that led into the town.
Coggy and Moose stood at the front of a group of marines, while Davey Jones, Morgan, and NavyRum helped a group of gunners heave the cannons off the beach.
"Mate, I'm gonna take half a dozen 'o me men 'n scout ahead 'o tha main group." explained Cog to Moose, "I's wantin' ta capture me a peasant 'o two ta find out where tha prison cook lives! I'm gonna blow dat blaggards house ta bits 'n hang his wench" he added, with an evil look of revenge on his face.
"Arrr, Coggy, yee've never forgiven these bastids fer lockin' yew up in da prison, as ye?" smiled Moose.
"If'n yee'd spent three bleedin' months eatin' nottin' but roach-soup, believe me, yee'd want some pay back too!" moaned Cog.
"I respectfully requests dat yer murderous men give no quarter to the scabs livin' here" said Cog.
"No worries mate. We'll gut every frigger we meets" replied Moose.
A few minutes later the pirate group approached several farm buildings close to the stone bridge. Coggy collected a group of his men together and quietly made his way into some crop fields to the west, carefully avoiding a couple of patrolling redcoats, while Moose and the others prepared themselves for battle.
"Ok lads, this 'ere place shouldn't be too difficult ta take. It aint no Cartagena, so I expects a quick 'n easy loot-fest," explained Moose to the gathered men, "Me ManiacMen 'r gonna head straight fer tha treasury close to tha main dock NavyRum, you take tha rest of Cog's psychos 'n pillage tha church to tha north while Davey Jones has his lil' tavern tour..." he explained.
Henry Morgan approached, "Hey, what bout me?" he asked.
"Matey, I's wantin' yew ta head over to tha other side of town wit some 'o me ManiacMen. 'Appen tha barracks 'r over thar and I needs yew ta take up sniper positions an' keep them redcoats pinned while we loots the place." explained Moose, as he motioned a group of his men to fall in behind Henry.
Within a few minutes the main pirate group were ready to put the plan into action.
Coggy and his small group quickly returned with a couple of terrified farmhands with them.
"These two yeller swines have informed me that tha cooks house be on the other side o' dat thar river, near tha tavern, Fisherman's Fancy." explained Cog, "I's gonna head over thar while yew lot 'r pillaging tha treasury"
The Captain then drew his cutlass and swiftly put to death his two prisoners, "Right, lets get on wit it..." he barked, as the pirates got underway and headed for their various destinations.
Within five minutes Moose and his ManiacMen had crossed the stone bridge and swiftly made their way down to the dock.
The treasury was situated just behind the shipwrights and several grenadiers patrolled the grounds.
"Get tha cannons over 'ere," whispered Moose, as the pirates looked on from behind a warehouse.
Morgan's group wasted little time in making their way to the east side of town, while NavyRum and some of Cog's men collected many eagerly surrendering townsfolk as they approached the church.
The people of San Juan offered little resistance to the invading pirates, but word of their presence quickly spread throughout the town and the first few musket shots rang out. Gentry men, local militia, and redcoats soon became aware of what was happening.
Back at the treasury the cannons were now in position, and as Moose fired a couple of pistol shots into the air, the patrolling grenadiers quickly left their posts and made their way towards the hidden pirates.
"Wait till they's in range - then let 'em have it!" ordered Moose to his eager gunners.
NavyRum had his hands full with hoards of eagerly surrendering townsfolk, "Jeeesssus! We's gonna be swamped wit these yeller buggers in a minute!" he said, with concern.
"Sir, let us at 'em!" pleaded a wide-eyed psychotic pirate.
"Ok, lads, cull a few 'o 'em fer me - go get 'em!" ordered the Lieutenant as the marines eagerly waded into their prisoners and began putting them to the sword.
The streets began to echo with screams of panic and terror as the townsfolk fled for their lives.
By now, Coggy had just reached the tavern when Moose's cannons opened up against several approaching redcoats.
"Right lads, lets get a move on before dis place is swarmin' wit vermin" called Cog as his small band of men began searching the houses.
Moose's men had wasted no time in wiping out the treasury guards and were quickly breaking cover. They headed across the stone courtyard and hoards of thieving pirates entered the treasury to begin looting the place.
"Get some cannons up thar..." screamed Moose as he motioned the gunners to protect his men.
Meanwhile, Morgan had strategically placed his men in and around the narrow streets near the barracks. "Right lads, if'n any filthy redcoats come a sniffin' - shoot tha buggers where dey stand" he ordered, as some of the pirates finished off a handful of startled peasants.
NavyRum's group had cleared their area of prisoners and now began to loot the church.
"When we's pillaged tha bugger, I want's a couple 'o yew murderous swabs ta burn it to the ground" he ordered, as he looked on in admiration at the beautiful architecture of the church.
Coggy's men had located the prison cooks house, not only that - they'd found the cook!
A smiling marine shoved a sorry looking man towards the Captain. "Sir, we's got a lil' present fer ye!" he gleefully announced.
Cog took one look at the swabs miserable face and gave an evil grin on recognising an old acquaintance.
By now, Davey Jones had finished pillaging his first tavern. He found himself running a gauntlet of several furious gentry men and drunken townsfolk as he battled his way back over to where Coggy's group where stood.
"Bleedin' bastids!" he barked, as he cut his way through yet more townsfolk.
The skirmishes across San Juan gradually grew in intensity. Morgan's group started picking off some curious soldiers as they came to investigate the commotion.
"Lads, hold yer position. Remember, we's gotta keep those swines at bay 'till Moose has emptied tha treasury" he called.
Just then a large explosion echoed across town as NavyRum's men blew up the church.
"Arrr, well done mates - dats added a bit 'o colour to the place!" smiled the Lieutenant as he watched the church burn and looked across to the many dead bodies strewn throughout the place.
Coggy stood outside the Fisherman's Fancy tavern as one of Moose's cannons arrived. He patted a gunner on the back and said, "Right lad, what I's wantin' yew lot ta do is this..." as he pointed to the prison cook nailed to the tavern door, "Yew see dat sorry poncy lookin' lubber?" he asked.
"Aye Sir, we see him" replied the gunner.
"Well, matey, I's wantin' ta see if'n any one 'o yew swabs can fire a cannonball right down tha blaggards throat!" replied the grinning Captain.
Just then, an exhausted Davey Jones reached Cogs group, "Don't blow dat tavern up!" he barked.
Coggy looked on in surprise at his mates' appearance, "What tha bloody 'ells 'appened ta ye?" he asked.
"Mate, I've been visitin' a tavern 'o two across town. Thar aint no decent rum ta be had anywhere..." he whinged, before continuing, "Tha place be swarmin' wit peasants 'n I's had a 'ell 'o a time getting' back 'ere!"
Davey gasped for breath for a moment - then proceeded to brush Coggy aside and headed for the tavern door as a few stunned drunken locals stumbled out of the building and made good their escape.
"Davey lad, what 'r yew doin'?" asked a stunned Cog.
"I's havin' me one last drink in dis 'ere tavern - after that, ye can't do wit it what ye want!" he replied as he entered the building and slammed the door behind him - much to the cooks discomfort.
Moose's men had finished looting the treasury and a long line of coin-laden pirates slowly made their way back across the bridge and down towards the beach.
"One 'o yew theiv'n sods get over ta Morgan - tell him we's leaving..." he called to a group of men.
Moose then made his way around to the Fisherman's Fancy.
In the deserted tavern, Davey Jones was enjoying a quiet drink when all of a sudden a large explosion blew the side of the building apart and showered him with dust, masonry, and the gizzards of the ex-cook.
Davey sat in stunned silence as a sheepish looking Coggy appeared where the door once stood.
"Arrr, ermmm, sorry Davey, 'appen one 'o Moose's gunners got a lil' impatient" mumbled the embarrassed Captain.
Davey Jones gave Coggy a menacing scowl, brushed the dust from his cap, removed one of the cooks' gizzards from his tankard, and continued drinking his rum.
By now, Henry Morgan had ordered his men to begin the retreat back through the town, but a group of grenadiers appeared!
The Spaniards wasted no time in showering the pirates with a deadly salvo of grenades - causing explosions to rock the narrow streets. Several buildings were quickly engulfed in flames.
"BLEEDIN' 'ELL!" shouted a startled Morgan, "Lets get tha 'ell outta 'ere!"
And with that, the pirate group quickly made their way over to the church where NavyRum's men were setting up a skirmish line to hold off the pursuing redcoats.
"Arrr, Morgan, how's about teachin' them swabs a lesson?" called NavyRum as the two groups of pirates merged and held their position around the ruined church.
"Matey, ya read me mind!" replied the eager Morgan as he ordered the men into position.
Meanwhile, Coggy and Moose had finished persuading Davey Jones it was time to leave.
"Mate, I promises ta buy ye a Sloop full 'o grog when we reaches St Kitts. Me mate, Unlucky Joe, serves a fine brew over thar." explained the still sheepish Coggy as the pirates made their way back to the beach.
Moose gave the two swabs a pat on the back, "Lads, by my reckonin', we's took close ta fifty thousand pesos today!" he said, with a broad grin, "Tis just like old times again!"
"Aye mate, but I's glad this 'ere cesspool aint nottin' like dat 'ell hole Cartagena - we lost many a good man on that thar occasion." replied Cog.
"Arrr, but at least that 'ell hole had some decent rum ta be had..." moaned a still disgruntled Davey Jones.
Back at the smouldering church, Morgan and NavyRum's skirmish line had commenced picking off the approaching grenadiers.
"Lads, those silly swines 'r like lambs to tha slaughter!" called Morgan to the gleeful musketeers as another volley slammed into the thinning ranks of Spanish soldiers.
"Morgan, yew spoke too soon!" replied a disappointed NavyRum as he noticed the Spaniards quickly about-face and head back to the barracks.
"Those yeller lubbers - none 'o 'ems got any balls! I 'ate it when tha Gits don't put up a fight..." moaned Morgan.
The pirates soon broke cover and quickly headed back to the ship.
"Never mind matey, 'appen it's time ta go 'n count tha loot" replied NavyRum, with a greedy smile on his face.
Thirty minutes later...
All the pirates stood on the beach and watched as several rowboats approached.
Coggy sat on a keg of gunpowder and wiped the sweat from his brow as he took a swig of well-earned rum,
"Lad's when we've got dis lil' lot back aboard tha Baron Boat, I reckon's we should keep all tha loot taken today, 'n share it wit neyone!" he said.
"Won't Admiral Tew be expecting a cut?" asked a concerned NavyRum.
"Aye Cog, yew said everyone wus guaranteed an equal share..." added Moose.
"Nay! Cogs right. We took all tha risks today - not him..." replied Morgan.
Coggy stood up and began loading a casket of coins into the first rowboat.
"As far as I'm concerned, anyone is entitled ta an equal share if'n they 'elps out. Lest ye ferget, we just lost nigh on twenty men today - OUR men, not Tew's" he said.
"Coggy, we's gonna need tha Dark Water swabs when we meets the Treasure Fleet. Tha last ting we wants is fer 'em ta bail on us 'afore we even gets thar..." explained Moose.
Cog stopped loading the boat and thought for a while.
"Ok, ok, since it wus yer idea ta attack San Juan in tha first place - tis yer call, Moose" he replied.
The pirates loaded the rest of the coins into the boats and quickly headed back to the waiting Baron Boat.